The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
