so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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