Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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