Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
