I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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