They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
