Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
