So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
