best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
