Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
