I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
