New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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