he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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