Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am one with the molecules
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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