I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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