I have demons in me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
time to smoke my breakfast
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
not ubering you a puppy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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