Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
