Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
