Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
