I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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