I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
