dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
