WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
