What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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