it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
