can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
