Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
A+ Viking dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
