tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
