i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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