and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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