were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
