Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
