Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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