someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
