She announced her abortion via fbk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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