the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize