Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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