my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was CRYING into my vagina
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
