ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
