hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Randomize
