Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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