I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize