Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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