I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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