I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
