If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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