Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
whose parrot is this?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
