i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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