All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
pop tarts are not kleenex
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
