I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
