Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
