Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
