what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize