i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
