Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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