Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
