Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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