Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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