I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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