I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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