so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
