I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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