So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
