My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
