YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
