I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The struggles of a small town man whore
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
