Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
