Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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