It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
