Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
