I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Jerry, you need to find god
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
