The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
