You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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