I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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