Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
