i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
