mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't turn off my feet"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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